Dispatch, return to sender and cashmere.

1. To send a grumpy, squirmy early morning Alec off to "Knock-knock Daddy door."

2. ...half an hour later Nick brings a grumpy, squirmy Alec right back again because only mummy will do.

3. Now I'm not nursing every five minutes I can wear a jumper again -- this is a cashmere one, the colour of peanut butter. It's the softest, warmest, lightest thing I own and it was £4.50 in a charity shop (it had moth holes that needed a quick repair).

PS: If you're Christmas shopping for a difficult writer, poet Sarah Salway now has special presents available in her Etsy shop.