1. 'How much for this rhubarb and a bunch of parsley?' 'That'll be 80p and one of your smiles.'
2. A small girl of about four - bundled up against the marketday wind so she was nearly as wide as she was tall - wearing red and pink stripy tights waddling about holding on to the backs of her knees, with a concentratey look on her face.
3. Granny Pat describing how she ticked off two men in her local pub for 'effing and blinding'. She told them: 'When I was in the army if anyone said f-this or f-that the sergeant would say: 'There's a lady in the room.''